It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else. ~Jimmy Eat World
(I've always found this band name odd but this is just my opinion.)
This is my song for my oldest. It has been for many years. The music often plays in the background of my mind while I watch her at various occasions as she grows up and experiences new things. Tonight being one of them.
We'd been searching for well over a month for the perfect dress. One that would speak to who my daughter is today - part tomboy, part rocker chick, part intellectual, part mature teen, part girly girl (though this last one she'll deny but its a fact). A dress that wasn't too clingy, too short or too pink.
JC Penney offered up two dresses. The sale was too good to pass up so we got both. One a cute sun dress with thick straps, the other a short but not too short, purple metallic type strapless dress. The colors of the sun dress - teal, green, white and black - appealed to her much more as green is her "it" color right now and teal has always been a fave.
Fast forward a couple weeks to her step-sister getting a dress from the store she really wanted to get one from and the JC Penney dresses are no longer cool. K's dress made her look "sexy" according to my daughter. I had to do all I could not to comment on this statement. What my mind was screaming was, "OF COURSE IT DOES! She's on probation for SEXTing for criminy sake!" But I held my tongue. It still hurts from biting it so hard.
In the end, I did get what she meant. She felt her step-sister would once again be in the spotlight, regardless of it being for something positive or negative. What she doesn't get is that she is often in the spotlight herself, solos at concerts, superintendent's awards for academics, high honors and more. My daughter just doesn't feel like she gets attention for those things at her father's house. I hate this situation.
So we went shopping again. Finally after five stores, we stopped in Macy's. We'd looked at tons of dresses, finally finding this beautiful silver one. Silver but with a slight blue-ish hue. Cool. The neckline was in the sweetheart style. It looked sort of like this one:
Only M's fell a little more above the knee. We altered it a bit by adding a flower on the front and interestingly enough, a pink ribbon, and it turned out beautiful. I didn't get to see her put her whole look together until we got to the celebration. She had gone with her father, it being his weekend and I had her brother to take care of who had been running a fever for two days and was now better.
I found her across a sea of formally dressed girls looking like high schoolers already and boys who still looked like they should be in elementary school in their casual and somewhat relaxed outfits. She'd managed to pull off sophisticated, gorgeous and classic all in one. She out-shined not only her step sister but a number of her friends, not all, there were some girls who will give my daughter a run for her money in the maturity/looks/brains department. I had a few parents comment on how stunning she turned out.
So here I am, waiting for the people renting the hall tonight for a sweet 16 party to call to tell me they are done cleaning - and salivating at the idea of falling asleep yet still having to stay up, hearing this song play in the background of the replay of tonight's main event. It doesn't if its good enough for someone else...it mattered that she had the biggest smile and the brightest aura I'd seen on her in a long time.
She may be shifting from middle school to high school now but she's still in the middle - and I'm so glad to be here with her. I love you M.
