CHASING PAVEMENTS

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere ~ Adele


Now this here song has a far different meaning than what I'm about to discuss in this here blog, chillin's! (Yeah, not sure why the crazy old country coot accent but the fingers went there.) I just found it to be the three perfect words.

Last October, I bought the family business. The family being my father and step-mother's dance hall. They opened this place about six years ago as of this past Saturday. It was a place for my step-mother to do her line dance lessons (which she got into after years of working construction, yes, I know what I wrote) as well as offer her a place to cook for the multitudes which she loved to do. Sunday dinners at my parents could feed an army or at least fifty people with leftovers. My father, once a professional radio DJ, would play the music for all the events. They had traveled around the state for many years doing mobile entertainment but finally decided to settle down in their own place.

My step mother died, three years ago this June. My father retired shortly after she died or before, I can't remember. All I know was that he'd spent years working 12-15 hour days to support this business. I thought it was because my step mother spent a lot of money (which was true) but I'm learning it was far more than that.

Last year and for some time before his final decision, my father had decided he wanted out. It wasn't his thing. He'd been withdrawing more and more. Politics keep him quite busy in town as well. He started mentioning back in July of last year that he was looking at the possibility of selling. It went in one ear and out the other.

Lets see, in July of last year, I was back in school...again. The Institute of Integrative Nutrition, for a certification in Health Coaching/Counseling. I had three children I was taxiing back and forth to camp and my own business of holistic health that I was involved in. Plus some other stuff I'm sure but these are the major ones that stick out.

Then August comes with our family vacation with my mother-in-law to Washington, D.C. where my husband has to have emergency surgery (not major, just same-day but needed to be done) at a hospital far from home. Not the best of vacations I can attest to but glad I was there to take care of him.

End of August comes and finds me and Dad sitting on my front porch. He says, "I'm selling the hall." I say, "Oh, do you have a buyer?" He says, "No, not yet." I sit for a moment, then say, "What about me?"

Yeah, what about me?! Ugh. I called my husband, he was all for it. Thought it was a great idea and opportunity. I talked with a friend who became an investor because she thought it was an amazing opportunity. Everything seemed to fall into place. And it did. I purchased it the end of September.

Then the shit hit the fan. I went to my niece's birthday party (a fitness lap dance party - yeah, this is my family remember!) then next door to the bar with a couple friends and my niece who's birthday it was, my other niece and my sister (my step-mother's daughter). The birthday girl decides to leave. The older niece gets drunk and proceeds to lay into me about purchasing the hall as if I had no right to do so. "Why didn't grandpa ask mom or anyone else?" Me: "Um, he did. It was no secret he was selling and they had opportunity to purchase." (She then went later on to call my father and have it out with him over his choice of buyers for the hall and he gave it right back which surprised me) Her: "I want a better relationship with you." Me: Nothings stopping you." (Haven't heard from her since)

Then she opened her mouth to begin to say something and I knew exactly what she was going to say..."Do you remember back when I was little and you were pregnant-" I stopped her right here. I knew. I couldn't believe she was talking about this. She was bringing up a conversation I had with my father FOURTEEN YEARS AGO!! When I was pregnant with my first child. I was desperate for some sign from my father that I was special. I certainly felt the other children were. Thus the bane of a child who doesn't live with her father. I said something to him that came out wrong. Little did I know he'd tell my sister who would become DEEPLY offended by it. Which I attempted to explain had really nothing to do with her. I'm pretty sure that solidified the rift between my step-sister and myself.

But here, fourteen years later, my niece who was not even there and was a little girl at the time, brings it up to me while she is drunk. I was livid. I went off on her and was disgusted with the situation. For her to bring it up meant my sister must have told her and told her recently. It must have had something to do with me purchasing the business. Me being my father's daughter and they weren't or something to that effect. Who knows the truth? I just realized that my sister is manipulative and not real. I haven't had much to do with her since. Same with that niece. I'm okay with this.

Moving on.

October, November and December were wonderful. I was in the RED with a brand new business!! I couldn't believe it! I shouldn't have.

January came with the storms. We were open a total of six days. Now I was in the black (in the hole and it was getting bigger and bigger). February came, not much better but a little bit more. My health wasn't spectacular but I got by.

March comes and the shit hits the fan. The business is doing well with bookings (hall rentals) but I get the kidney stones, hit by the car and just plain worn out. April starts to get better but I'm not able to work in my holistic health business much (no massages due to a sprained L4 disk) and money is tight.

Now here's May and the business is slow again. Thank God I can massage again to make some extra money! But it has me wondering if I'm just chasing pavements. Am I going to make money off this business or am I going to be working my ass off to make it work like it appears my father did? I don't think I realized this until now while I'm writing. He worked full-time and then some basically to afford having this business. I'm not sure how I go about making it flush.

I suppose I should add a codifier to this by stating today is a miserable rainy Monday after a somewhat lackluster weekend. Next weekend could be better. I have an opportunity to create a teen dance place but it will take some work. I'm thinking this should what I do asap to bring some money in.

I'm behind in my lease payments by a month. Not too bad but still. I don't know what I want at this moment. I keep thinking how nice it would to have my own office for massage and health coaching. How do I go about doing this? I don't know.

Oh, by the way, I just graduated from IIN and am now officially a certified health coach. I should be focusing on this because it will bring in a steady income, but I'm busy with the other business. How do I balance it all?

So this leads me to calling the doctor about getting back on Strattera for my ADHD. The new doctor I go to refused and then in a sickeningly sweet (this patient must be so insane) voice, the nurse informed me I need to see a mental health doctor. GREAT! Ah well. I guess I know who I'm calling today. ;O)

I'm in need of an assistant. This is totally what I need. I think I'll have to chase some pavements in this direction for a little while (if only in my mind)

Happy Monday