I STILL WISH YOU THE BEST

And although there's pain in my chest
I still wish you the best with a
F*ck you, Oo, oo, oo ~ Cee-Lo Green

I'm one of those people who may get upset but moves on pretty quickly. Sometimes things get me down and I need to just vent and let it go. Other times, it sort of builds. I don't like it when it builds. It feels insidious. Great word. It even sounds evil. I can actually feel the energy build inside me. It starts as a small spark not warm like a flame but cold and dark. It increases like smoke with a spiral and spreads out. Tendrils of this insidious bad feelings meandering through my body...and mind.

Today was one of those days that just built more and more...insidious. It started with me getting up later than I'd intended. After 7am. I've been attempting to get up at 6am before everyone else to have some peace and quiet without the whole chaos of the morning routine invading my consciousness. I couldn't get myself up. Way too sleepy. I dragged myself to the couch to go through my normal wake up routine of easing into the day.

Being vaguely aware of my oldest heading out the door to school at 7:15am to catch her bus (I average two-three days per week thinking she hasn't even left yet, though it is almost 8 am), I get up to get ready for the day. My son staggers down the stairs and finishes his homework while my husband goes off to work.

After my son heads off to school, I head out to teach at the Senior Center to begin my Tai Chi class there. My car starts making some odd noises like its growling whenever I turn to the left. Plus my oil light comes on whenever I turn to the left as well. Weird right. Nope. I call the car place because of course I also need to get my emissions done as well to have them tell me oh that sounds like (insert something horribly expensive sounding here) and I probably shouldn't be driving it around too much. GREAT!

Thankfully my appointment following the class cancelled. Then I postponed my student after that because I had a feeling it would be a long eventful experience at the mechanics. I go there and drive the mechanic around a bit so he gets an idea of how truly crazy I am because the car doesn't make the sound until we finally return to the car place. He says it probably isn't as bad as they thought.

Yeah, an hour or so later they come out and say, you need to come look at this. I get shown how crappy my brake pads are and the clamp things that hold them as well as the roters being messed up too. Then there is some kind of bar that is a safety issue that needs to be replaced on both sides PLUS all of the belts need replacing. GREAT! How much? $900. But they did throw in the oil change for free, since I got snippy with them adding that in at the end saying, "REALLY?! It isn't as if I'm not spending a BOAT LOAD of money here already today!"

They gave me a loaner car and I went on my merry way. I just came home and got back into my groove of work. Yeah right. It was not working well. The phone wouldn't stop. This was a good thing but not for allowing for a little bit of breathing room and focus. I did not have any focus.

Finally my son comes home. Now I'm surprised because usually my daughter comes home before him so I had a moment of panic before I remembered she was staying later for practice for an event she has coming up this weekend. She's in a concert at a neighboring middle school. She's been attempting to get into this for the last three years. Finally this year she made it.

So my son comes in and says, "What's wrong with the car?" I said, "What do you mean?" He says, "You've got the loaner." I start laughing. He remembered the last time we got this loaner from the mechanic last summer. Same car. Not sure why he loves it. He said, "Wouldn't it be cool if our car could transform into this one and back again when we wanted it." Pretty cool.

Then I dropped him off at his fathers and then went about doing my errands that I needed to finish. I went to Walmart bought cute colored tablecloths. Then went to my mother's to visit and then went to the Hall to change out the tablecloths and meet with someone who wanted to rent it out. Great! This is a good great not a sarcastic one this time. It took forever to get the tablecloths all changed out. I discovered in the process that half of the ones I'd purchased last week were missing from the people who'd rented the hall this weekend. Talk about not happy. Then I stayed to get updated and give some updates myself

This took forever. I finally run home to get there in time for the kids to get dropped off. I don't know why I rushed. It isn't like their father can EVER get them home on time. To find my husband already home. GREAT! No call, no nothing to let me know he could be helping me out by being home by 7:30 when the kids get home. NOPE!

Enter the insidious feelings. They'd been building on and off all day. Right now I'm attempting to write because this is how I vent. I don't chitchat on the phone because my family says I'm always on it. At least with the computer I can say it is my work that I'm doing.

I miss writing and venting. Expect more of this. Now all of the evil nasty feelings are on their way out. All the positive happy, riding unicorns and pooping out butterflies good feelings can come back.

F*ck you...I still wish you the best.