YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need

I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse" ~ Rolling Stones

This is my house lately. A theme that is running rampant. You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need. Now to my children of course this isn't satisfactory. Nor to a Scorpio husband.

What a week! It started out rough and is continuing to be a challenge. I'm attempting to be open to the messages coming my way but I'm not sure what really is being said. Monday I posted my feelings and some of what is going on in my life. Tuesday came and it was just a long day. I worked late because we started a new class at the dance hall I own. It went over great! To me if more than five people show up for a class it is a hit. I was very happy.

I get home to be shushed as my daughter M and I come through the door. Glee was on the TV. Not sure this warranted my being shushed. I let it go and sat in silence until I went to bed exhausted. Noting a theme here yet? Tiredness is definitely there.

Wednesday comes and I'm woken up at 5:30 am by my husband whacking my arm. Now deep down I know he didn't mean to do this, he meant it to be softer. However, it startled me so much I flipped over thinking something was wrong and hurt his hand. He accused me of crushing his hand. I got up and went in the living room. I was pissed. Wednesday was about to be my really really long day.

Hubby gets up and starts in on M when she comes downstairs to go off to school. "Did you make your bed? Needs to be done every day. Shouldn't need to be said." As she sits down for a second to catch her breath before heading to the bus stop. "Good Morning, M." I say to make a point.

We get into it not much later. He says, "M has no concept of other people. She doesn't think about how her actions affect others. She leaves things around and just does what she wants." Now sure M is does these things at times. It certainly is not a normal occurrence for this straight A, award winning student (for respect of her peers and teachers). It actually sounds more like my husband.

The day goes on and I get a giant blunt object in my tire. I'm on my own once again to take care of something like this. I've had to take care of issues with the house on my own, car, businesses, children, etc. He's working or playing hockey so he can't. Um, did I mention that I own two businesses? Yeah. I don't work. <-sarcasm

I couldn't see some of my clients but got to the dance hall for the lessons that night and had a wonderful night. At one point, a teammate of my husband's comes in to say hi and tell me they have games next door that night. I knew this. He just wanted to wish me luck DJing since I was a little nervous and hadn't done it in a while.

My best friend V was there and I said, interesting how another person's husband who is very thoughtful to her is even thoughtful to me. Wonder if my husband will come by? Surprisingly he did. I think the teammate said something. I just don't see him doing this of his own volition. This is sad that I think this. He apologized for the fight we'd had that morning and said he'd think about the things he'd said. Usually this lasts a bit before we start up again. Obviously it wasn't to be.

Example, here it is Friday and what do I wake up to? My husband throwing everything in the children's snack drawer into a plastic bag - LOUDLY! As much of a racket he can make, he's making. Why do you ask that he is doing this so early? I forgot to get his sugar at the store yesterday but remembered to purchase snacks for the kids lunches. This is his M.O. He'll deny it or blame the M and W for teaching him this but it is all him. Lovely way to wake up at 6:15 am when I don't have to be up for a while and I've already had a rough week.

He goes on how the drawer is a mess and filled with junk food. Yes there are snacks in there but on the whole they are healthy snacks. Cookies notwithstanding. Everything else is healthy.

Just now I get, "You don't parent!" I realized in that moment that my husband equates parenting M & W as punishing, discipling, and holding them accountable for everything they do and say. I believe parenting includes these things to a point but includes so much more! He does the so much more with our youngest, his blood child as he refers to her. He rarely holds her accountable. Example, she was supposed to get homework done this weekend. She did none of it. He asked her if she'd done it and she said yes but is stuck on a couple problems. He tells her to get it and he'll help her with it. So he helped on a couple problems but had to get to his hockey game. I get up to help her with one and look at the paper and realize she did NOTHING on her own. At least two of the five problems were simple and she could have done had she sat down and read them through. I encouraged her to read through all of the problems and see which ones she could do on her own first.

I stepped away and mention in a nice way to my husband how she needs to learn how to get these things done on her own without everyone coming to her rescue. He nods his head as I say this in agreement. What does he do? He immediately goes into the dining room and helps her again. She had all of two minutes on her own. She'd even finished one of the problems all by herself. I get that he wants to be a part of her life and what she does but he doesn't truly help her by doing her work like he does. He doesn't let her make the attempts. He just stands there giving her hints, which is great but not for every problem. She has to learn to work it out herself.

This is exactly what he does with M & W though. They have to work it out themselves all the time. I'm tired of all this.

He's really pissed because he feels he's being neglected. So he's acting out. This is what it all boils down to. He's being a spoiled brat. He's not getting attention from me so he's taking it out on M & W because they get it. DUH! They are KIDS! He's a freaking adult and quite frankly when he behaves like this I don't want ANYTHING to do with him. I'm so hurt and turned off I don't even like being touched by him. It makes me really uncomfortable.

He slammed out the door saying, "Have a nice weekend." Okay. I will.

He says things like I don't parent and then says it isn't about you it is about M & W. Truth is, it isn't about them at all. It is always about him. It is about him not getting what he wants. Great. You can't always get what you want. I'm tired of the demonstrations and verbal abuse. I just don't know what to do though. I guess I do but I'm not sure if it is ultimately what I want.